BonerLand

Fresh and new...and the same.

March 28, 2004

Offensive Opinions I Hold

These are in no particular order at all.
You know what they say:
"Opinions are like assholes, big smelly assholes." -They

1. When people I don't know, but were close to someone I do know are killed suddenly, I don't care.
2. Bitches be scandelous.
3. My friends are all assholes.
4. I don't like most people.
5. Black people are loud most of the time.
6. Retarded people are askin' for it.
7. Humor can be found in anything, car accidents, heart failure, 9/11, you name it.
8. Drugs are delicious, especially Nyquil.
9. Midgets are hilariously small.
10. Your mama.
11. Spider-Man could so beat up Batman.
12. I enjoy the taste of Spam.
13. Republicans only care about their money, and worshipping satan.
14. Everyone is racist.
15. Organized religion is dumb.
16. If you care about anything at all, you are taking life too seriously.
17. Gay people are gay.
18. Animals don't have any rights.
19. The Passion of the Christ was a good movie.
20. Shakespeare isn't that great.
21. I don't believe in deoderant.
22. Drunk people have good ideas.
23. It's all right to crap.

All complaints can go straight up your ass.

March 24, 2004

Bad Poetry part 1: Bad Poetry

Sitting Around
I'm sitting here
Don't know what to do
reading
looking at the floor
There's a song repeating in the ol' noggin
somethin' about lamas
My mind wanders a couple yards away
leaves while I'm not looking
My stomach feels weird
it was probably that damnable Butterfinger

Goddamn Shit Whores
Why do these bitches be frontin'
goddamn shit whores
this mother fucker is shitting a shit storm
asses asses asses
bitches
shit
My word, I've been here an hour
heavens
goddamnit I told you to...
never the fuck you mind
you peice of shit bitch whore
goddamnit

Eleventy eight
You are there for me
as I am here to eat you
you sailed into my heart
my mind
with your berries
so crunchy tastey good
Oops, all berries?
I forgive your mistake
you need no berries
but Doughnuts?
that was no mistake

March 22, 2004

The Dangers of Being Alive

If you suffer from the condition of being alive, you are susceptible to a barrage of health threatening situations that can only end in your death. The symptoms and causes for this illness of life are completely undetectable because anyone who has ever done anything has died...sometimes quite painfully. Here follows a list of things to be wary of if you happen to find that you are indeed alive:

1) People: If you are living, you may be at risk of interacting with people. People can cause death through an infinite variation of unpredictable aspects of their own existence. They are a constant threat and simply ignoring them will not avail you. Anyone who is alive will at some point come to rely on people for various needs ranging from food preparation to emotional stability. People will kill you, avoid them at all costs.

2) Animals: While some may appear to make your condition (aliveness), at times happier and more endurable, they are all a deadly nuisance. Simply by growing fond of these death traps makes you a victim of their soul sapping doom powers. Like us, they are also capable of death and can kill you by the offspray of their exploding carcasses.

3) The Elements: Over time it has been made painfully clear that the environment of this very planet is OUT TO GET YOU. Our ecosystem has an extensive arsenal of death to torment you and force you into hiding. The environment is aware of all living things and is ready to deal the death blow at any time. It's just waiting for you to feel comfortable stepping outside your comfy house to embrace you in its talons of death. Always remember, nature is merely permiting you to be alive, it can kill anyone suffering from life at any time, beware.

Disclaimer: While the above facts are all unquestionably true, they were written in haste and while bored. Don't judge me, life will kill you someday too.

March 13, 2004

Artistic Fuckstration

So I'm workin' on this comic. It's been "in the making" for nearly 2 years now, and what do I have to show for it? One damn page! That's it, just the one, and it's probably only 2/3's finished at this point. I did have 2 finished pages of pencil art at one point, but I have since moved twice and they are long gone. In an attempt to remedy this, I took it upon myself to do, get this, MORE WORK. I decided it was a good idea to overhaul the original story and start over with a new title page and a new opening sequence, that leads into the existing opening scene. This midstream artistic shift has caused a complete lack of motivation on my part and an utter indifference on the account of my "writer" (the word writer appears in parenthesis because at this point in the comic's history, the "writing" plays a very small role in the actual production of the book.).
This Monday we're having a Todd proclaimed Comic Bookin' Day which will last well into the wee hours and willhopefully result in some finished work. I think my problem mainly stems from the volume of work I'm putting in compared to what my comrade is doing. This needs to be more of a team effort if it's going to work at all, so we're going to do a lot of writing in addition to the hand numbing artwork I'll be cranking out. Well, here's hoping.
BooYah

March 04, 2004

If Pollen Had an Ass...I Would Kick its Ass

The allergy blues have begun to set in, and I'm none too happy about that. I'm at work right now and it feels like my sinuses are about to jump out of my ass. I would like to thank the makers of Sudafed for easing my suffering.
I'm apparently banned from the Adult Swim message boards for some reason. This is odd because I haven't been there in a few weeks. It doesn't make any damn sense.
Jesus Christ, this is going nowhere. I need rest, and a nice stack of freshly minted comics. At least I have this little outpost to vent my frustrations.
uggghhhh.......(collapses on the keyboard, filling it's hollow recesses with a warm flood of nasal juices)

I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE POLLEN! CONSIDER YOUR ASS KICKED OFF!
YOUR DOOM IS AT HAND!