Beware the Man Bearing a Last Name

*names have been changed to protect my own tender ass*

I was sitting down at work today when a "figure of authority" pulled up in the parking lot.
Steve said, " Oh, shit Craig Lawson is here." I immediately sprung into action (off of my ass). It made me curious how you get to be on a first and last name basis with people you hardly know. I mean to the point that the simple utterance of said both names causes people to jump and scatter like birds. Some day I hope to be such a man. " Oh Shit, Todd Johnston is coming...better get to it!"

ReIntro of Bonerland

It's amazing. I welcome you, oh hypothetical readership, to the sort of new and marginally improved Bonerland. The main improvement would be that I'm posting again.

I hope you enjoy the content of this humble and usually shitty blog page, as I do. Check in the coming weeks for updates, as well as a new Death Knight story.

Oh yeah, and if you for some reason are reading this, tell your friend...or your mom. The bitch is back, and with a taste for incorrect grammer and weiner jokes.

whose?

Son of Bad Poetry

Sort of a disclaimer: Bad Poetry, as I so accurately have dubbed this occasional portion of this page, is always either intentionally bad or written while drunk. Everything you'll read here is authentically bad, and should not be viewed as anything else. I hope you enjoy my latest entries into the foray of poetry. They are bad and I do know that, but the occassional nuggets of truth and wisdom remain intact.

Childe Todd to the Dark Tower Stumbled
The sky is dark and blank
my head feels like so many fish in a bowl
swimming in circles too short and choked
The man in black is there in the distance
He beckons me to follow
To fall before him
I'm powerless to heed his call
The Tower is waiting
All dead
All death
the tower is death
for all
he built this world upon sand to be torn away
in waves as slow as life
shaving away the layers till old you fall and give way
is this world an extension of hell
too sweet to be mistaken for evil
We wait to go home
The tower waits

Devil Grass
The candle that burns
both ends simultaneous
death and life blend to make our existence more grand
There are other worlds than these
we have no control over our passing
each day is perfect
we fall we rejoice
our expectations mean nothing
We are here now and nothing else is relevant
Politics?
The right and left wing are attached to the same bird
we all live in the same world
No one is right nor wrong
no religion is sane
no religion is false
God is there like it or not
It knows our every action before it occurs
can God make a burrito too big for god to eat?
Yes
and no
both are true
infallibility is wacky like that
god is capable of everything and nothing at the same fucking time
deal with it
It will kill you in the end
it's for the best
you will pass, but remain forever in the land of shadow and eternity

Mario
He's fat
and a plumber
he used to scoop shit out of peoples' drains
but he got a new job
in the mushroom kingdom
He breaks blocks with his fist
He kicks a big dragon's ass every day
He can swim and turn into a raccoon.
Mario is the greatest fat Italian to ever live
But he's really Japanese
just don't tell anyone
It's too weird.